Battered woman are forced out of their homes because of the domestic violence inflicted by their spouse. Many of these women do not have family that can or are willing to take them in. Most have children. For these women they are facing the unknown, not sure of what will be their next safe place. Women are often asked why do they stay in an abusive relationship. For some women it is more the security in knowing they have a home and shelter for their children. For some it’s because they have been so conditioned to the verbal abuse that they believe they hold no worth. Understanding the emotional state of the abused spouse is important to understanding their reasons for not leaving that situation. One woman is beaten by her spouse every 15 seconds. We outlined below some of the reasons women will remain in an abusive home (the list is by no means inclusive) and then we also give some reasons their partner may abuse them. (Psalms 11:5 The LORD trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth.) It’s not a one way street. No it’s not the woman’s fault but also understand the emotional issues from the abuser’s perspective may help some currently living in that situation to have a better understanding of what emotions are at work. Other family and friends may be better councils with the understanding of what some of the causes may be.
The LORD does hear our prayers, He does care when we cry. He is there to comfort, guide us and heal us.
Psalms 18:48 He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man.
The effects of abuse may make it difficult to leave.
* I’m nothing. I don’t deserve better.
* I can’t face making decisions by myself.
* My children will blame me and resent me.
* The kids need a father.
* Children need a “real family”.
* My husband will turn the children against me.
* My husband could lose his job.
* I will disappoint my family. I can’t admit my relationship is a failure.
* I have to take care of him.
* He wouldn’t hurt me if I were better at keeping up the house.
* My husband has all the money.
* How would I take care of my kids alone?
* I have no work experience.
* I would bring shame to my family.
* I’m afraid to be on my own.
Let’s look at why he abuses her – so we can better understand how just maybe we can help them both.
* Expressing feelings – Some partners who are abusive have difficulty expressing themselves, their feelings, and their needs within a relationship.
* Restricting their feelings – Some partners who batter describe only having two types of feelings: glad and mad.
* Their anger and violence are hand in hand – Partners who are abusive often do not distinguish between anger (the feeling) and violence (the behavior). The two are linked because batterer often think they are unable to be angry without being violent.
* violence progresses from the abusers stress – and this is a big one – Some abusive partners use violence as a way to reduce their own stress and look for a trigger event they can be use to justify their violence.
* Self-worth – The abuser feels he is not capable of being loved, and have the need to control their partner so that the partner won’t leave
James 1:19,20 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
As a former abused wife, my story is mild in comparison to others. I was young and so was my x-husband. His physical abuse was a control he wanted over me to keep me from leaving him. We had no children so getting out of the abusive relationship was not hard to do, but emotional at the same time. The when and the hows become major concerns. When would the right opportunity arise? I found my opportunity one morning when I was due to start work later than he did. I was also Blessed when I called for my cab that the driver, who knew both me and my x-husband, offered to take me to the bus station for no charge. Why? Because, he witnessed the abuse on a few occasions and was glad I finally decided to leave, and he also witnessed my x-husband’s involvement with other woman. I had family to turn to, my mother was more than happy to have me come back home. That is not always the case with some women, especially those with children. Once I made my decision to leave that situation behind I began to fix the emotional power I felt controlling me. My x-husband followed me for 10 years, long after we had been divorced. Not daily but randomly. I would be having dinner out and he would come sit next to me and proceed to engage my date with conversation. Other times, he would show up at places I was at. Eventually it stopped. I was lucky his obsession was a mild one. But some women are not so lucky.
One of my daughter’s teachers, Mrs. P., was one of those unlucky ones. Mrs. P was in an abusive relationship and tried to leave it. Since she was my daughter’s drama teacher for the full 4 years of high school, we got to know her well. She was a kind, giving woman, who spent money out of her own pocket on productions because the school would not fund her. To look at her and see her upbeat personality, you would never know she was in an abusive relationship. There were times we would witness her crying and stressed over her husband’s threats. She had taken out an order of protection, but that is only a piece of paper and the police need to be called. Situations can have rapid effects and waiting for the police is not going to prevent an immediate threat. Two years ago, her husband shot and killed not only her, but her 86-year-old mother and their 17-year-old son before turning the gun on himself. He also shot her 88-year-old father. He was injured, but survived. She was an inspiration to everyone who knew her, and she students all held her in high regard.
For the woman who have found the way to escape that abuse need our help. They are forced to give up everything they had to remove themselves as well as their children from that environment. We are asking for your help by donating items to us to help those woman.
Donation items – For women – Personal hygiene items, deodorant, brushes and combs, makeup, hairspray, toothbrushes and toothpaste, magazines, books, scarf, gloves, hats. For children – coloring books, crayons, pencils, notebooks, pajamas, socks, scarfs, hats and gloves.
The goal is to give these women their dignity back. Make their lives a little more comfortable, and give their children some form of normality in the unsettling new environment.
100% of the funds that are donated will be used to purchase those items above.
Thank you for your help. You can also visit us at https://www.facebook.com/TribosHopeActivists?fref=ts.
New Hope for the Lost, Galatians 6:2 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
If you know someone in an abusive relationship help them reach out to someone for help. Contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1.800-799-Safe (7233) ** 1.800-787-3224 (TTY)